Subject: DR. SEUSS EXPLAINS COMPUTER CRASHES: Submitted by Joe Kiefski
If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port, and the bus is
at a very last resort, and the access of the memory makes your floppy
disk abort, then the socket packet pocket has an error to report.
If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash, and
icon puts Your window in the trash, and your data is corrupted cause the
index doesn’t hash, then your situation’s hopeless and your system’s
If the label on the cable on the table at your house says the network is
connected to the button on your mouse, but your packets want to tunnel
to another protocol, that’s repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall,
and your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss, so your icons
in the window are as wavy as a souse; then you may as well reboot and go
out with a bang, ‘cuz sure as I’m a poet, the sucker’s gonna hang!
When the copy of your floppy’s getting sloppy in the disk, and the macro
code instructions cause unnecessary risk, then you’ll have to flash the
memory and you’ll want to RAM your ROM. Quickly turn off the computer
and be sure to tell your Mom!
Difference between Catholics & Protestants: Submitted by Joe Kiefski
Bob, a hard-shell Southern Baptist, loved to sneak away to the race track.
One day he was there betting on the ponies and nearly losing his shirt when
he noticed this priest who stepped out onto the track and blessed the
forehead of one of the horses lining up for the 4th race.
Lo and behold, this horse- a very long shot-won the race.
Bob was most interested to see what the priest did the next race. Sure
he watched the priest step out onto the track as the 5th race horses lined
up, and placed his blessing on the forehead of one of the horses.
Bob made a beeline for the window and placed a small bet on the horse.
Again, even though another long shot, the horse the priest had blessed won
Bob collected his winnings and anxiously waited to see which horse the
bestowed his blessing on for the 6th race.
The priest showed, blessed the horse, and Bob bet on it, and won! Bob was
As the day went on, the priest continued blessing one of the horses, and it
always came in first.
Bob began to pull in some serious money, and by the last race, he knew his
wildest dreams were going to come true.
He made a quick stop at the ATM and withdrew every penny he owned, and
awaited the priest’s blessing that would show him which horse to place the
bet on. True to his pattern, the priest went out onto the track before the
last race and blessed the forehead, eyes, ears and hooves of one of the
Bob placed his bet-every cent he owned and watched the horse come in dead
Bob was dumbfounded. He made his way to the track, and when he found the
priest, he demanded,
“What happened, Father? All day you blessed horses and they won. The last
race, you bless a horse and he loses. Now I’ve lost my life savings, thanks
The priest nodded wisely and said, “That’s the problem with you
Protestants … You can’t tell the difference between a simple
blessing and the Last Rites.”